Journaling

Currently reading: 52 Small Changes for the Mind

This book is the reason I'm blogging again. I read that journaling is supposed to be good for you, and right now I need anything that is good for me. I've been stressed out. I love being a teacher, but being a teacher in 2020 is something else. It feels like the workload doubled, and all I ever do is work. When I am not working, I feel guilty. Many of my team members are OA (overacting, but I use it in an overachiever type of way). They work on the weekends, when they first wake up, late at night, literally all the time if they are not sleeping. It seems as if we're all playing this game of whoever can work the most. It's not healthy, yet we feel accomplished when we work the hardest. I know this because I am guilty of this. 
However, today is the day where I actually do something about it. It feels a bit different. I counted the offering for finance, and it was... nice? Hahah. It was, though. It got my mind off of work for a bit, and because I set aside time to not do work, I ensured that I had got the amount of work done in the allotted time. This is called time management--something that I still have yet to master. 
Wow, this journaling thing is actually doing something for me, at least I hope. The way I blogged before was not as free flowing. I would take thirty minutes to come up with a blog and make sure it looks and sounds nice, but I feel that right now, I need to let. it. all. out. And I'm here to say that this teacher life in 2020 is EXHAUSTING. But I am trying to keep myself sane and productive. 

Goals:
Read 52 Small Changes for the Mind every week or every night.
Read another book unrelated to self-help

feeling some type of way

stressed

I received a low grade for one of my assignments, and I am doing the lousiest job trying to act like I am okay with this. I ended up writing an email to my professor to which she responded so considerately and allowed me to resubmit. Now, I am overthinking this, and it is causing me to stress more than I usually do. 

Things I have to do:

Resubmit essay

Buy materials for PBS

Create script for PBS

Look for materials for PBS

ALL my MAT assignments

I need a drink. But I think that drink might slow me down.

the man

could all be separated from my good ideas and power moves

Rough day

Today I woke up to Mrs. Garcia telling me to secure my laptop. I talked to Shaniece and we stalked Professor Abaday and her late husband because we wanted to find out her nationality. We have a newfound appreciate for the Abadays. We always appreciated her, but we appreciate her even more. After, I checked my grade for Dr. Hendrick’s and I received a 18.42/20 all because I did not put the word “the,” but the sentence was fine without the word “the.” My sentence was, “she warned the class that majority had failed.” Like leche fuck off. 

Then I went to school and found out that my class was broken into. My speaker and my sharpie markers were stolen. My desk was a mess (but it’s kind of always a mess, but this was messier than usual). It was obviously rummaged through. Mr. Leonard, Cheryl, and Maoi went to my room to open my closet. Mr. Leonard assumed I had the key to the restroom which was also the key to the closet. I Never had a key for the restroom/closet. I was only given one key at the beginning of the school year. I looked at Cheryl and she did not say anything. Mr Leonard was like, “you have the keys” and “I don’t know what you did to the keys.” And then he said “I gave you the keys.” Like bitch, choose one story. Also, he didn’t give me no fucking keys. Lmao. I would fucking know. Literally the moment I get a key I would put it with the rest of my keys. The only other key I received was for my cart which was given by Mr. Guerrero. Also, random, but two of my coworkers were pissed and they called me, and I’m like dang I thought I was angry. Lol. But anyway, at night I got a notification that Phillip attacked my village. This bitch. I don’t attack your village. But now I will. 

Can I just say 

Some people are stupid and not worth wasting my breath but if it’s because of old age and loss of memory then I understand.

Some people talk like they’re the shit but can’t do shit when it comes down to it. 

Some people are lame professors. 

Some people are dumb for trying to attack my village cause bitch I got 2k spins rn. 

Lol at this rough day. 

when people try to undermine my worth ethic

Bitch, I worked for Dr. Malabanan. Try me. 

thoughts

Ever have those thoughts where you feel incapable of being loved? 

Time, 

Slow things down. I don’t know where I’m going. 

saturday

 

Yesterday was great. I don't know else to put it.
I woke up to Dr. Green's response to my email -- "..you are an incredible student and please do not lose the fire in see in you to be an incredible teacher." My MAT/TAE classmates and I had the opportunity to have lunch with the dean of SOE, and I was able to ask my many questions. I started a standing ovation for my MAT classmate, and the whole class followed, then Angelica called me a leader. I had my presentation with Tyanna, and my professor complimented me yet again. Adrian confirmed his paalam because they did not hear him when he initially paalamed. It was a great Saturday.

brother's old room

Since I've been sleeping in my brother's old room, I will admit that I've been more productive. The wifi connection is bad. The room is so small. There's literally nothing to do in there, so I'm forced to read. It has windows where the sun can actually shine, so I'm forced to wake up.

I like it.

real advice

1. Be the best possible version of yourself.
2. Do what gets you paid. Or as my brother says, follow the greens so you can do your dreams.
3. Use your brain, not necessarily your heart.
4. The sooner you start, the better a shot you have at making it.
5. Learn the rules of the game.