cursed

 We're going to be cursed. I'm calling it.
I'm most worried about the baby.

Reason: YN

Time?

 Today feels so unreal I have to blog about it. It seems like I just went to school, ate lunch, and went home. It went by too quickly. 

Order of Events:
- Taught my online class
- Checked my laptop in
- Talked to Mr. Ochoco on the phone about PBS!
- Ate lunch with Tyanners, Mariers, and Tanya
- Work on action research paper
- Played COD
- Went home

Maybe it was because we had no meetings? Or maybe because I received great news. I'm not entirely sure, but today was just incredibly fast. Was this really 7 hours?

I love the hours you get being a teacher. 8:30 AM - 2:45 PM.
What else is great is that I have a whole afternoon to myself.
Time to be productive!


Side note:
Mr. Ochoco said that I am one of the very few that met all of the requirements to join PBS again, and they want me for three seasons! That's a total of 18 videos. He also said not everyone is going to come back to PBS, so I am just so honored to even have this opportunity presented to me again.
Also, when Tyanners and I were playing COD, I was able to level up my KRM262 shotgun, and the assault is 186, which is unlike I've ever seen before.

satisfaction

I hate when people belittle me, but I absolutely LOVE seeing their reaction when they realized they were so wrong.

Crazy Angry Asians

“Go back to China, coronavirus!” Its the year 2021 and there is a pandemic. I was on my way to my car holding groceries when a middle aged guy yelled that to me. As this was my second racial encounter that week, I still had enough patience to not lose my cool. My first encounter was a white woman who stared at me while I blankly stared at her back until finally she walked up closer and said, “you know, it’s your people who caused all of this.” I blinked a slow blink and watched her get into her taxi. My friend, who is a complete stranger to me, but I now consider my friend quickly got out his phone and recorded the white lady calling her out on her racism. I’ve seen the video online with over 500,000 views, but it’s just one out of the many anti-Asian hate videos that has recently surged the internet during this past year.

“Asian American women attacks increase by 1900%.” As much as the news is devastating, it’s actually motivating, so I leave it on. Asian American actors and actresses are speaking out on this issue. They’re so calm, so professional. I wonder what would be their breaking point or if they’ve already reached it.

The phone rings as I’m preparing my lunch. It’s my mom. She never calls at this time. It’s 11AM here in California and 4AM in Guam. “Mom?” “Be careful out there. Auntie Dhel was pushed by a guy, and her head hit a crate. She got 10 stitches.” 

Auntie dhel was my mom’s closest friend and had recently moved to California. In Guam, she owned a restaurant and always offered free food to my family and the people at our church. When my parents went to the Philippines for my dad’s check up appointments, Auntie Dhel would always bring my brother and me food. 

“...so be safe ha? I love you anak.” 

“I love you too mom” 

Anak means my child in kapangpangan. 

Not even five minutes later my brother calls me. “What are we going to do?” “Stop by around 7 tonight. I’ll call the cousins.” 

FIVE.

 5 recent accomplishments
1. Getting into Phi Kappa Phi
2. Getting initially certified
3. Finishing up my 40 page Action Research report (before the rest of my cohort)
4. Reaching my goal weight of 100 lbs, but now I'm over 100 but it's okay.
5. Getting a "I actually have no questions" from Dr. Michelle Santos during my ISL presentation

5 accomplishments in my life that I'm proud of
1. Passing my Praxis 1, 2, and PLT, becoming a teacher in the school I've wanted to work in, and finally becoming initially certified
2. Hiking to Sigua, Tinago Falls, and Priest Pools
3. Getting an "excellent" in my test for my Shakespeare class during undergrad
4. Getting the 1st/2nd place award in my computer science class during undergrad
5. Graduating cum laude for my bachelor's degree

5 accomplishments for the future
1. Graduating with my master's degree and getting Teacher 4 pay
2. Giving birth and getting toned again
3. Finish reading What to Expect When You're Expecting
4. Getting another masters
5. Buying land and building a house/buying a house 

5 things I love about myself
1. my determination
2. my desire to keep learning
3. my work ethic
4. I'm supportive
5. my ability to understand people

5 things I love about my body
1. my weight
2. my thighs
3. my boobs
4. my fingers
5. my pregnant belly

5 things I love about the life I've created so far
1. all my experiences
2. I've learned to be more caring
3. my appreciation for good food
4. I don't need much things to be happy
5. I always have a goal

I am so delighted and grateful to be...

pregnant when all the doctors said I would have a hard time,
married to a patient husband,
almost done with my masters,
inspired again.

Takeways from YOU ARE A BADASS EVERYDAY

1. Success is a way of being and adapting and growing that gets easier the more you practice.
2. If you run from your fears, they will follow you. If you run straight at your fears, they will get the hell out of your way. Fears hate it when you do that.
3. If you're serious about changing your life, you'll find a way past all your obstacles; if you're kinda sorta serious about changing your life, youll find an excuse. In other words, excuses are fake news.
4. Whatever we've got on repeat becomes our "reality" -- what we look at every day, our thoughts, what we read, listen to, talk about, tell ourselves, etc.
5. Find beauty in everything about yourself instead of beating yourself up or deciding you suck becayse you're not like everyone else.
6. Remember to stop and smell the rose as often as you can.
7. What are you bringing to the party: your drab old pile or sob stories or your dancing shoes?
8. Acting as if your new life is already here is one of ther most powerful things you can do, because when you match your energy to that of the new reality, you open yourself up to finding the path to get there.
9. When you commit to transforming your life, you commit to getting very uncomfortable over and over and over again. Befriend the unfamiliar, the risky, the me no wanna. The discomfort means you're almost there.
10. Start seeing your low points and temporary failures as starting points.
11. The Universe has my back. Everything I need to manifest my desires is lining up for me right now.
12. The sooner you change your life for the better, the longer you get to live with those awesome changes. Stop screwing around and just do it already.
13. There are no stressful situations -- only stressful ways of perceiving situations.
14.

Random Memory: Winterrowd Maze + Pizza at Gina's House

 Kim and Regina showed Jenika and me this online game.. If I remember, the website was
http://www.winterrowd.com/maze.swf 
Just checked, and it says this site has stepped out for a bit. 
The game can be accessed here: https://www.playscarymazegame.net/play-scary-maze-game/
Lame. URL gives it away. 

Anyway, we were at Regina's office in her house, and we had pizza. I think it was pineapple? Jen and I were playing the maze and that girl pops up, and we scream LOUD! I go in front of Kim and scream in her face while she almost chokes on her pineapple pizza, and we all run to the back and continue screaming. 

We couldn't stop laughing.

Man, those days were the best. 

I had a fun childhood. 

FES Red Ribbon Campaign ✔️

Maria and I chaired the Red Ribbon Campaign for FES, and it was successful!
I'm documenting this moment because right now, I feel successful. I feel accomplished, and I feel happy. 

Spoiled

All I want is to relax. 

reading a book while in a bath tub

chilling in an onsen during the winter

floating in the ocean (near the shore of course)

t i n a g o  f a l l s 

getting a massage in a spa

showering with hot water while listening to Clair de Lune

running at UOG with Rodney

getting that after exercising feeling.

Am I spoiled for wanting to relax?

Journaling

Currently reading: 52 Small Changes for the Mind

This book is the reason I'm blogging again. I read that journaling is supposed to be good for you, and right now I need anything that is good for me. I've been stressed out. I love being a teacher, but being a teacher in 2020 is something else. It feels like the workload doubled, and all I ever do is work. When I am not working, I feel guilty. Many of my team members are OA (overacting, but I use it in an overachiever type of way). They work on the weekends, when they first wake up, late at night, literally all the time if they are not sleeping. It seems as if we're all playing this game of whoever can work the most. It's not healthy, yet we feel accomplished when we work the hardest. I know this because I am guilty of this. 
However, today is the day where I actually do something about it. It feels a bit different. I counted the offering for finance, and it was... nice? Hahah. It was, though. It got my mind off of work for a bit, and because I set aside time to not do work, I ensured that I had got the amount of work done in the allotted time. This is called time management--something that I still have yet to master. 
Wow, this journaling thing is actually doing something for me, at least I hope. The way I blogged before was not as free flowing. I would take thirty minutes to come up with a blog and make sure it looks and sounds nice, but I feel that right now, I need to let. it. all. out. And I'm here to say that this teacher life in 2020 is EXHAUSTING. But I am trying to keep myself sane and productive. 

Goals:
Read 52 Small Changes for the Mind every week or every night.
Read another book unrelated to self-help